dijous, 25 de setembre de 2008

A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels

Copio literalment d'aquí. A mi m'ha fet gràcia, espero que a vosaltres també! Si vec quòrum en els comentaris, em comprometo a traduir-ho!

As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.

We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our Suggested list of required warnings appears below.

Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
Warning: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
Caution: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
Handle with Extreme Care: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour.
Consumer Notice: Because of the 'Uncertainty Principle,' It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
Advisory: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Known as 'Tunneling,' This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
Read This Before Opening Package: According to Certain Suggested Versions of a Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting This Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
This is a 100% Matter product: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
Public Notice as Required by Law: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
Note: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a 'Gluing' Force About Which Little Is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
Attention: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer Is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
New Grand Unified Theory Disclaimer: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are 'Rolled Up' into Such a Small 'Area' That They Cannot Be Detected.
Please Note: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
Component equivalency notice: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
Health Warning: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
Important Notice to Purchasers: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Reemerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot be Guaranteed.

dijous, 18 de setembre de 2008

Nacionalització-ció-ció...

Agafo els diners que un tercer hauria de pagar. El tercer no garanteix massa liquiditat, però me la pela. Venc els crèdits a una entitat que els "transforma" en atractives inversions per a altres persones, i em guanyo uns bonus de la hòstia.

Com que segueixo donant hipoteques fins al més mangui del barri (per tal de mantenir els meus bonus) passa que:
- El preu de la vivenda puja. Més demanda (tothom veu que el veí compra i acaba comprant), més preu.
Com a corol·lari immediat tenim que:
- El mangui i els veins començen a no poder pagar.

Això fa que les "atractives inversions" perdin seguretat, cosa que crea incertesa. La incertesa és el pitjor per al sistema econòmic que tants bonus ens ha donat.

Com que del primer a l'últim banquer/assessor/desgraciat han buscat els seus bonus fins la mort, la quantitat de diners "incerts" augmenta i les inversions perden més i més valor. Els bancs desconfien els uns dels altres i es posen pegues per tot. Caca de vaca.

Resum; uns desgraciats s'han fet d'or jugant amb els diners dels demés i les empreses des d'on mangaven suporten els deutes (asseguradores, bancs, hipotecàries, etc.) començen a perdre valor. L'estat que ha permés l'esperpent ha de sortir a salvar-les per tal de no enfonsar tot el sistema.

És a dir, la aplicació del lliberalisme extrem a portat a la necessitat de l'intervencionisme extrem. Pel que sembla, no deixaràn que els curs "natural" de l'economia de mercat actúi. En principi, una de les coses bones del capitalisme és que si t'arrisques massa et pots quedar en pilotes, i ningú t'hauria de comprar un pijama...

Què és pitjor: comprar un pijama o comprar-ne diversos milions (i.e., haver d'enfrontar una situació de profunda recessió)??

Algún dia sabrem quants pijames es van comprar els putos brokers a costa de deixar en calçotets al veïns del mangui?

Era il·legal el que feien? Si ho era, no haurien de tornar algún que altre calçotet?

Perdré la meva feina...?

dimarts, 9 de setembre de 2008

Qui no es consola, és perquè no vol!

Com us vaig dir, poso alguna foto més del viatget a Croàcia d'aquest estiu.

Quin art, quina sensibilitat...





dijous, 4 de setembre de 2008

Scrotal elephantiasis

Així és com estic...